Secret Confessions #9: Breaking the addiction of being a cash fag
Sunday, September 14, 2008
We all have lots of secrets and issues. If you're middle aged and in the closet, I bet you have a lot of confidence and self esteem issues too. Being in that sticky situation leaves you with a few options: (1) Come out and live proudly as a gay man (2) Stay in the closet, and indulge in risky, unhealthy, and destructive behavior such as being an online cash fag. (3) Just stay in the closet and try to live a "normal", straight life.
So sad. I am not a cash fag myself, and have no intention in being one. As a happy and confident gay person I think it's kind of pathetic to try to engage in a parasocial, money driven relationship with a straight man who wants nothing but your hard earned money and who will never be emotionally involved with you.
I understand why some gay men choose to spend thousands of dollars on a fantasy. If they are younger or hotter they may have the option of hooking up with some really good looking men on the internet, but they don't have this option. Some of these cash fags let their masters humiliate them in the public THEN rob their money.
Out of pure curiosity, I joined a few yahoo groups where cash fags and masters meet to understand this business. I've scanned through the forum messages left between masters and slaves and it is easy to say that the lack of self confidence and shameful self hatred of these cash fags are just as obscene as the sadist pictures posted by their jock masters.
Like any other kinds of unhealthy habits, there are self help groups to help people to overcome this addiction. Here is an article written by a member of the CSA Cash Slaves Anonymous group, which I think is quite useful if you constantly struggle with this nasty habit.
So sad. I am not a cash fag myself, and have no intention in being one. As a happy and confident gay person I think it's kind of pathetic to try to engage in a parasocial, money driven relationship with a straight man who wants nothing but your hard earned money and who will never be emotionally involved with you.
I understand why some gay men choose to spend thousands of dollars on a fantasy. If they are younger or hotter they may have the option of hooking up with some really good looking men on the internet, but they don't have this option. Some of these cash fags let their masters humiliate them in the public THEN rob their money.
Out of pure curiosity, I joined a few yahoo groups where cash fags and masters meet to understand this business. I've scanned through the forum messages left between masters and slaves and it is easy to say that the lack of self confidence and shameful self hatred of these cash fags are just as obscene as the sadist pictures posted by their jock masters.
Like any other kinds of unhealthy habits, there are self help groups to help people to overcome this addiction. Here is an article written by a member of the CSA Cash Slaves Anonymous group, which I think is quite useful if you constantly struggle with this nasty habit.
You are a cash slave and you’ve realized that you are terribly addicted to the experience of being used and cashraped by online masters. You have spent enormous sums of money, possibly thousands of dollars over the years, and you have nothing to show for it. You have neglected your personal obligations, your bills, your family and real-time friends and spend hour upon hour online waiting for these masters to extract payments from you.
You rationalize your addiction, telling yourself that you do not blow money on gambling, alcohol or tobacco. You try to convince yourself that it brings you enjoyment and that it is a matter of personal choice.
Most likely you are a middle-aged (or older) gay man who did not come out as a homosexual until you were at least in your mid to late 20s, if not later. You grew up internalizing your feelings of self-loathing and self-hatred and secretly admired and longed for the companionship and approval of masculine men.
When you were first introduced to online financial domination, you had no idea what a rush it would be to tribute one of these hot young men that you’d been secretly worshipping all your life. As this master debased and humiliated you, you became aroused and excited. You were amazed by his cockiness and self confidence. You were mesmerized by the way he boldly stated the insulting realities that you already knew about yourself but never actually admitted openly.
After paying your tribute(s) you felt a sense of gratification. You felt as if it was right for you to be ripped off the way you were because you knew that in truth you were a worthless faggot. You also felt stupid, pathetic, and gullible. You probably even told yourself that it was a one-time experience that would never happen again. But you were wrong. The next time that you began fantasizing about masculine, self-confident, arrogant, powerful men—you were right back online looking for one to use you again.
It continued from there and eventually you changed your screenname to something that would identify yourself as inferior. You started to openly acknowledge your inferiority and actually go as far as to advertise the fact that you were pretty much just an ATM for online masters.
But now you feel trapped. You hate yourself worse than ever and want out. You may have tried quitting already but were unsuccessful. You would go for a few days or weeks without tributing, but then eventually would crawl right back and repeat the same behavior.
So how do you ever break free from this?
Honestly, I don’t know because I’m in the same boat as you. But I am willing to put pen to paper and give it a shot. I’m merely sharing some thoughts and I’m open to any input, pro or con.
Here are my observations:
There are two very different questions that you must face: Firstly, how do I stop this behavior?, and secondly, how do I change the way I feel about myself? The first question is answered easily. You stop the behavior by simply deciding not to continue. I’m going to offer some specific suggestions on what you can do to help you follow through on the decision. But even if you do successfully manage to stop tributing for a period of time, if you continue to think of yourself as an inferior slave, you will always have a desire to return to it.
Going cold turkey may work for you just like it has for many tobacco addicts who have quit smoking. But most of us will not have that kind of willpower. One alternative to the cold turkey method is to find a less harmful alternative. Since sexual arousal is a key component of cash rape, you may turn to viewing pornography as an option. Be cautious though, because this too can become an addiction. You may also seek out an online dominant contact who wishes to engage in roll play that doesn’t involve actual money. You may also actually seek out realtime contacts, sexually dominant men who do not seek cash payments but who instead simply want to dominate you in a realtime setting.
If you are able to make real progress and break away from the grip of your addiction, you can take the following steps to ensure long-time success:
Separate yourself from temptation by deleting your yahoo or other online messenger accounts. If you have no means of contacting masters, you cannot tribute
Bring your addiction out in the open. So far you have been hiding your behavior from literally everyone. No one in your real life knows you’re a cash slave. Have the courage to change this by confiding in a confidant. Then make yourself accountable to them
Find a trusted person to oversee your finances. Make your accounts available to this person for routine inspection. Simply knowing that they have the ability to see what you are doing will deter you from sending money transfers.
Get professional help to address the issues you have with your self esteem and your internalized homophobia. If you’re able to find a good therapist they are likely to use cognitive therapy to teach you how to think of yourself positively rather than to hate the person you are.
Replace your online addiction with healthy real-time activity. Become involved in something that gets you away from your home and your computer. It can be a second job, a community service involvement, a social activity or hobby… anything.
Understand that you can be submissive sexually without hating yourself. You can even serve a master if you so choose. But a real master is not someone who takes no responsibility for your well being. A real master is someone who values his slaves as prized possessions and would not wish them any harm. He is a protector and a decisive leader, not a leach who drains you of all you have and then discards you.
The key to success is being able to teach yourself to see the entire scene from a different perspective. Think of it as you would if you were an outsider objectively observing the entire situation. How would you describe the masters who are so greatly revered online? How would you describe the slaves? Most likely you will conclude that the masters are young good-looking guys who want to make some easy money. Slaves are older gay men with low self esteem who get off on being taken advantage of by these young guys. It is that simple. If you remember this and keep it in perspective you will probably also conclude that you’re not nearly as inferior as you thought you were. Without your tributes, these masters wouldn’t be all that powerful. And if they are truly the gods that they claim to be, why do they spend so much time online? Shouldn’t they instead actually be out ruling the world?
Most likely your decision to quit will not be something that is immediate. And even after you do quit, you very well may return as a slave, begging once again to tribute. But if you are able to go two weeks, then praise yourself for it. Use the money you would have spent on your addiction to do something for yourself instead. Then maybe you can quit again and go a whole month. Then maybe six months. I know it is very, very hard, especially if you live alone and do not have a boyfriend. But if you don’t break free from this, you never will have one. In fact, you never will have much of anything.
Well those are just some thoughts. I know they will not be popular with the masters who happen to read them. I’m not advocating that slaves quit the scene. I’m not promoting disobedience or disrespect to masters. I’m merely offering another perspective. If you decide you need to quit, this may or may not be helpful.
Labels: cash fags, secret confessions, self help, straight guys
